Intercultural Dating: Meet an Italian & Chinese Couple
Meet Giulia and Xiao Yu
My name is Giulia (茱莉 in Chinese) and I’m from Italy. Unfortunately, I have only been in China once for a month to attend a summer school at Shanghai University, two summers ago. The last two years I’ve been living between Ireland, where my boyfriend lives at the moment, and Italy, where I’m pursuing a Master’s Degree in Language and Management to China.
My boyfriend’s name is 晓宇 Xiao Yu (or Edward). He is from Yantai, a beautiful coastal city in Shandong province - maybe I’m biased, but I’d definitely suggest to add it to your China bucket list! He is currently working for Amazon, in Ireland.
What was your dating experience like before meeting your partner?
I definitely had some crushes before him, but nothing serious. So, I guess we could say he is my 初恋, my first love and first serious relationship.
How did you and Xiao Yu meet?
We met two years ago during an Irish dance organized by our university to welcome international students. If I’m totally honest, that day I didn’t have any particular feeling, I also didn’t remember his name after dancing with so many people.
Luckily we met again at a party a few days later. After exchanging a curious look, I told my friends: “I have already seen that guy, but I just can’t figure out where!”. If it weren’t for my friends who pushed me, I would have never done the first step to go talk to him.
I’ll never forget his smile when he said “hi, Giulia” (he remembered my name!!). After that, he asked my number. We still can’t agree on who made the first move; I’d like to think it was me, but my boyfriend just won’t admit that, ahah.
What was your first date like and when did you officially start dating?
I feel like we officialy started dating as soon as we started texting. Before I had heard that Chinese people text a lot to get to know each other, and that if they decide to go out in the end they are basically already a couple. But, because I don’t like texting too much I asked him to go out to join an event organized by the Chinese Society of our uni the day after he got my number.
The first date was perfect. If the first time we met I didn’t have a particular feeling, after he walked me home that night I was sure I wanted to be with him. From the very start of our date, when he gifted me a Chinese novel– because he knew I was studying Mandarin – until the end, he was very kind, caring and thoughtful. We probably didn’t do anything special or exciting that day, but these “small” gestures let me feel very cherished.
Have you had any cultural miscommunications, funny moments, or challenges because of your different backgrounds?
Oh yes, definitely! I think many of them revolve around food and eating habits. The first time he invited me at his place for dinner, he prepared me… brace yourself… for chicken feet! Now, I know in China they are considered delicious, and it’s the same in some (very few) parts of Italy, but not for me. I panicked. I knew he spent hours cooking this dish for me, I HAD to try them. I really forced myself to, but in the end I just couldn’t. I was so sorry I cried. Not my family though, knowing how picky I am about food, they had a big laugh when I told them this story.
But don’t worry, I had my unintentional “revenge” when I let him try some Italian sheep cheese my grandma gave me as a gift to bring back after Christmas. I will never forget his face while tasting it. I have learnt Chinese people aren’t used to eating that kind of cheese (or cheese in general).
Other more serious cultural misunderstandings are probably related to our different communication styles. For example, in my country we use often sarcasm to lighten up the mood in some stressful situations, but I’ve experienced this is not always well received by my partner.
Your Chinese is great! Have your Chinese language skills helped your communication with your partner? Which language do you primarily communicate in together?
你过奖了！I have been studying it at university for almost 4 years now, but my Chinese is far from great!
I would say it is quite the opposite: it is my partner who has helped my Chinese language skills ahah. He is always eager to help me when I don’t understand something; lately he has also started to tell me some funny stories in Mandarin before going to sleep to help me improve. But most of the time we communicate in English. Maybe when I feel more confident we will automatically switch to Chinese, but for now I think this is the best for our relationship.
Are there any Chinese cultural traditions you’ve had to adjust to with dating someone from China? Have you met your partner’s family?
Since we always dated in Ireland, which could be considered a “neutral zone” for us, I don’t think it was so hard to adjust to each other’s culture. Maybe if in the future we live in Italy or China, the need to adapt to the local culture might be stronger.
As I said before, we had to adjust to each other’s different eating habits, communication styles and ways to express our feelings. Something I struggled with especially at the beginning were public displays of affection. I already knew that PDA are not so common in Chinese society, but it's one thing to study about a foreign culture, and another to live in it. Anyways, now it is a lot better.
Sadly, we haven’t met each other’s families in person yet, but I have talked to his mum and dad on the phone of couple of times. While I was in Italy, we also organized an international video call to let our parents get to know each other. It was so nice and also a bit intense for us since we were in 3 different countries and had to translate into 3 different languages all the time, but my boyfriend and I both thought it was a success!
You also run China Pop, a media account. Can you share what that is?
As soon as I came back from my month in China I wanted to create a place to share about my experience, so I opened an Instagram page called ChinaPop. I also asked two friends I met in Shanghai to be part of the project. Together with Caoimhe (from Ireland) and Lareina胡婷 (from China), we write posts about Chinese language, culture and society. If you also feel passionate about these topics, you're definitely welcome to be part of our community!
Any advice for others who are dating interculturally in China?
Communicate with each other. This is true for any relationship, but even more for intercultural ones. Ask questions when you are not sure why your partner did or said something that hurt you and explain yourself if you feel your partner misunderstood you. In many cases it might be due to linguistic or cultural differences. Sometimes it might be due to their personal character, so you also need to distinguish that.
Try to learn more about your partner's language and culture; always show respect, be tolerant, but also make sure both sides are equally important and present in the relationship.
Then, have fun of course - what’s the point of it otherwise!
Are you in an intercultural relationship?
We'd love to hear your story and share it! Reach out to DNC admin Rachel on Wechat: rachelweiss22
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Date Night China is a digital media platform and events organization based in Beijing that aims to build a positive community and share stories about relationships and dating in China. Follow our Wechat Account for the latest articles, new podcast episodes, and upcoming events.